Feature: Tim's Tokyo Game Show

October 13, 2003 10:45 PM PST

Oh, your old pal Tim wanted to write something about the Tokyo Game Show. He sincerely did. Trouble is, he’s under contractual obligation not to, by people that actually pay him money.

And so, friends…this is what you get. A writeup of tim’s impressions, coupled with over five ridiculous hours of downloadable video. FEEL THE FURY.

So tim did not arrive at the Makuhari station to meet Scott and Lawrence. He wasn’t sure precisely which of the (so he proclaims) six Makurhari stations was closest to TGS. So instead he overslept and wound up at the 'chiba prefectural mental health care facility'. An auspicious location if ever I’ve seen one.

After a twenty minute walk, he arrives where he’s supposed to be, sans Scott and Lawrence. After a few hours on the show floor, I get an IM from him, via a computer console in the TGS press room.

“TGS sucks ass”

Nobody delivered, he says.

Nothing interesting? What about SNK?

‘They should change their name to sUk.’

Uh oh…that’s not a good sign. In truth, they didn’t really show much of anything, just ports and announcements. The only thing tim complimented about the booth was their use of the Sammy stick, designed specifically for the PS2 version of SvC Chaos – eight buttons on the face! Not a bad way to go.

He did try to play the Metal Slug cellphone game, but couldn’t find the fire button.

Turned out it was 9.

He did a few Capcomish interviews, which you’ll have to go on a magazine hunt to find, and was paired with a Japanese Correspondent from a Certain Popular Videogame Website, who by all reports spoke no Japanese whatsoever.

Like a ball of snow, that fellow was.

As far as games go, his most played of the first day was my oft-lauded Usagi, the story-based horror mahjong game. I was pleased to hear that the PS2 port was fantastic, and that the game itself might be the “best mahjong game ever.” This is saying a lot, considering that there’s no stripping in it.

Sega Ages Afterburner was another one – played well, very smooth. But not quite enough to hold the interest if young timothy.

Castlevania LoI was fun, he says. I can attest to it’s nearly-funness, which I will expand upon in an upcoming preview of the game. Apparently at one point all eight demonstration consoles were occupied by girls…so let this be a lesson to you. Girls love medieval bishounen with whips. This is information that might be new to you…if you’ve never looked at the internet.

So for playing games, you’re given a PUREZENTO by the booth gals. He got shirts at the SNK booth – a Castlevania Bandana at the Konami booth – and a foam ninja star at the Sega booth for playing Kunoichi. He was quick to mention that playing Kunoichi itself was kind of a PUREZENTO. In his E3 report, he mentions that he wants there to be a melee combat-based game where he can actually feel like he’s hitting something. And in this game, he does, though not certain to what extent just yet. Plus she’s got a voice-mask that makes her sound like an old samurai when she’s talking to her ninja buddies over the radio.

Nothing like a sexy girl that sounds like a guy to get you in the mood for killing something.

Hyper Street Fighter II, by all (one) accounts, is an ass-kicker. He watched two fat Japanese dudes play the game, and attempted to describe the graphics. So…it’s the same sprites, but they’re ultra smooth. The animation must have been cleaned up a shade, and Sammy is making a stick for that too. And it has new music – two new OST and one AST based on the original.

So that was the extent of our games discussion. The real meat of what you want to see is on the exciting OMG VIDEOS PAGE.

brandon "tim" sheffield is not like a ball of snow